Hey Tiger, Stop Being a Pussy (cat)

2 Dec

Ok, as I’m sure you’ve all heard on Nov. 27, the world’s greatest sports poster boy, Tiger Woods plowed his black SUV into a fire hydrant and then a tree near his Pensacola, Fla., home (in his bare feet mind you). The accident caused $3,300 worth of damage to the property, nearly $8,000 of damages to his car and, well, the damage he’s done to his family, priceless! Nice Master Card commercial, don’t cha think?

As an avid golfer and a monster fan of Tiger, I have to say a few things about this absurd media debacle that has since ensued. Tiger. Dude. What the shit is wrong with you? No, I’m not talking about sleeping with other women. I’m talking about the way you handled the whole thing. I don’t know who your PR people are, but they should be fired immediately. Whose idea was it to have you stay silent and allow the global media to develop their own take on the story? Did you not watch what happened this summer with David Letterman? When in doubt, do what he did. Confess and take the story away from “the man”. It just came off as complete arrogance on his behalf. “I’m Tiger Woods, I don’t have to talk to the Police or the media.”

Beyond the fact that Tiger is a robot and does things no one thought possible on a golf course, he is as famous and as rich as he is today because of his clean cut image and public persona. That and how the media pretty much lives in his ass. Companies like Nike and Tag Heuer have paid him insane amounts of Pesos (yes, Pesos) to represent their corporate image and considering he is the most recognizable athlete on the planet, they did a good job of picking their “messiah”. Until now that is. Now he’s not so squeaky clean. But then again neither is Nike and their sweat shops.

Now, Tiger I understand you wanted to keep the situation low key and keep it out of the media at all costs, but you know the media and you know what blood thirsty people are capable of. In this day of age nothing is secret and the harder you try to keep it quiet, the more they will pry and pry until they dig something up. After all the media are the reason you are who you are today. They are much of the reason you live in your ridiculous house and procreate with your dime supermodel wife. And unfortunately for you, it’s not up to you to determine which way things swing. When you’re a celebrity and you screw up you have to own up to your actions. And addressing the media after things have been un-foiled is not owning up to your actions at all.

As for all the girls who are going to come out of the wood work and “come clean” about their relationships with Tiger. SCREW YOU! Get a life you blood thirsty, wanna be reality TV ‘stars’. How about you get a real job, stop getting cosmetic surgery and stop fucking with famous people just to get a buck. The fact is as much as Tiger is at fault for his infidelities, which he is indeed, these trick ass hoes need to be banished from this earth. As long as there are super stars there will be little skanks trying to take them for all their worth and wreck their homes. I hate how this shit always plays out. Rumors start and then all of a sudden a hundred girls claim to be pregnant or something. How does this help you or Tiger. Oh, hey, guess what? I’m that chick who banged Tiger Woods and ruined his career and marriage. Aren’t I the coolest girl you know? NO, GO TO HELL!!!

Anyway, back to the story at hand. I don’t know for sure what happened that night. I can assume what happened, but that doesn’t make me an expert. What’s sickening to me is there have been over 4,000 stories written about this so far, so this obviously means, A) people have too much time on their hands B) The war must be over along with the economic crisis. Oh wait the war isn’t over? We’re sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? Oh, record amounts of people are still out of work?

None of these issues matter though because Tiger Woods and his wife are having marital problems. Anyone who is in awe about this has obviously never been in a relationship. People fight. Shit, I bet you my ex-girlfriend wanted to bash my windows out of my car with a golf club before, not because I was cheating on her, but because guys are dumb. It’s science. We were wired poorly and do terrible things unknowingly. And women, well, women are just straight crazy. Story over.

To end my erratic rants I want to say this; Tiger, shame on you for committing infidelity. You have an amazingly beautiful wife and two beautiful children. I’m sure it must be hard to have women throwing themselves at you night after night, but unfortunately for you that’s what happens when you’re a major celebrity. I have and will always respect Tiger for his philanthropy and his outstanding play, but right now he is slacking in a major way. Everything he is going to say when he addresses the media is now going to sound fake and forced. He had his time to set the record straight, but he chose not to. Now this whole thing is officially on him.

What are your thoughts I would love to hear them.

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2 Responses to “Hey Tiger, Stop Being a Pussy (cat)”

  1. Mean Matt 12/03/2009 at 1:23 AM #

    I agree, these people have nothing better to do but obsess about the media. PUT A NAIL IN THE MEDIA COFFIN AND FOCUS ON IMPORTANT THINKS, LIKE I DUNNO…….THE WAR!!!

  2. Simon 12/03/2009 at 1:00 AM #

    Didnt even know any of this had happened and I’m pretty glad it hasn’t taken up any of my time or energy. Ditching cable TV has been the BEST. Those sluts are dumb, and Tiger derpped hard, but the people choosing these stories as news are the real culprits. They are actually polluting the mental environment of planet earth. That’s not an imaginary idea, its a real concept to be dealt with.
    I saw an hour of cable TV for the first time in like a year the other day and actually almost threw up. It is 100% a nightmare. Hell would be living inside the world of television for an hour. Any longer than that would be worse than hell, and I dont even know what that implies.

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