four year old gets drunk, steals presents

18 Dec

Man do I love Tennessee news. Apparently they have better stories than any other state in the country. Want to know why? Because in Tennesse little redneck children can get drunk and wonder the streets.

According to the story, Hayden Wright snuck out of his home in the middle of the night, got drunk, wandered around the neighborhood, went into a neighbor’s house, and stole presents from under the tree — one of which was a little girl’s dress that he then put on before continuing wandering around the neighborhood.

Hayden’s overwheight, country bumpkin, 21 year old mother said “He runs away trying to find his father,” she said. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.” That’s cool, lady. How about we just make up a cell in prison for him now because that’s where he’s going to spend most of his life without a doubt.

According to the (hilarious) story:

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood.  In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl’s dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

The mother, while discussing the beer drinking goes onto say:

Wright said, “He got it out of my father’s cooler in the back and how he got it open I don’t understand because it was one of those tab beers.”

I don’t know what’s more depressing; the fact that this kid is so fucked up, or the fact that Tennessee still sells beer that has a tear away tab. Didn’t they stop making those in like 1983?

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