Archive | May, 2010

Truck Carrying 17,000,000 Bees Kills Two: Worst Death ever

27 May

I don’t even know how to approach this blog post to be honest. While it is extremely sad to hear that two people lost their lives in a horrific four vehicle crash near Minneapolis, Minnesota yesterday. It is, at the same time amazing and implausible the way they went out — being stung to death by 17,000,000 mother f@*!#&g bees, yo! Those of you who are not good with numbers, that is seventeen MILLION bees. Could this possibly be the worst way to die ever? Think about it. Those yuppie bastards who write the Final Destination crap didn’t even think this one up because it’s just so far fetched. If God does exist, he is one sick bastard, or just really hates honey.

According to the Daily Mail:

Rescue crews armed with fire hoses had to battle an angry swarm of bees after a flatbed lorry carrying 17million of the insects was caught in a fatal crash.

It is unclear if they [the two victims] were stung to death or if they died as a result of injuries received in the crash.

Rescuers were forced to stay in emergency vehicles until the worst of the angry swarm could be brought under control. Three hours after the accident, they were still spraying the air with fire hoses in an effort to keep the bees away.

According to me:

HOLY SHIT THAT IS THE MOST INSANE THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. BEES!?! I HATE THOSE THINGS. EVEN THE NOISE MAKES ME WET MY PANTS.

This just in, Winne the Pooh has arrived on the scene to help cleen up the mess

 

But in all seriousness, I am very sorry to the families who lost loved ones yesterday. It really is a tragic loss.

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Chick Makes Same Face in Every Photo (She obviously sucks)

27 May

See, this is why I love the Internet. There is so much hate just floating around this bitch it’s hilarious. So I found this video while browsing my favorite blogs last night and just felt it needed to be shared because of the multi-level hilarity.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

Right now, you are watching a 2:09 video of what I can only assume to be the most annoying girl in the entire shitty world Jersey Shore making the same exact kissy/diarrhea face in every photo. AND to go along with this ridiculous face she makes there is the Indiana Jones theme song playing in the background of the poorly created video slide show.

Now moving on. What’s even funnier to me is that someone out there, whom I am going to assume is a “friend” of this obvious Ruh-tard (who clearly doesn’t know how to work her Facebook privacy settings) has gone out of her way and spent some serious time scouring the Internet to assemble the best pics of this person to simply ruin her. You have to hate someone a whole lot to waist all that time just to put pics into a slide show.

Kudos to you, ma’am. You are the hater of the day.

Best Flight Attendant Ever? South West Airline Rapper, David Holmes

26 May

Flying these days isn’t exactly an amazing experience. We have ridiculous flight taxes, baggage costs, insane delays, rude flight attendants, undersized seats, pay to eat, and more. But every so often a few lucky people get on a plane that isn’t the worst experience of their life (unfortunately I am never one of those lucky bastards people). I don’t know how old this video is, but it’s really amazing. I can’t even talk shit about it so you know it must be good.

David Holmes is an SWA flight attendant who takes an unconventional approach to getting his passengers attention. Enjoy David’s lyrical ability to get his cabin in order and no doubt get anyone with flight anxiety a little more at ease prior to take off. Keep up the good work, David.

Warning to anyone who ever flies with David; even if you’re impressed by his rapping abilities do not get caught up in the hype and yell things out like, “you’re the BOMB”, chances are you’ll be arrested.

I wish I had this guy on my Air Canada flight last week. Instead I had to overhear a flight attendant explain to another passenger why our tiny plane was flying across county. Her explination didn’t exactly put me at ease.

Unknown passenger: “There isn’t  much room to store overhead bags on this flight, isn’t that unusual for a six hour flight?”

Flight attendant: “Well unfortunately due to budget cuts we are flying a plane that is not normally a long distant jet, but instead a more of a local plane for short distances”

Me inside my mind: “FUCK MY LIFE!”

Ke$ha is the worst: Sing Talk (Tik Tok Parody)

26 May

If you’re like me, then you undoubtedly hate the musician likes of Ke$ha. I hate everything about her from her terrible lyrics and lack of talent all the way to the spelling of her name. She’s just so edgy because of the way she spells her name with a dollar sign in it Hehehe. Oye Vey!  So anyway, if I could I would push her down some stairs or something, but that would be illegal and I don’t break the law today.

Thanks to the fellas at College Humor for making (or endorsing) this amazing parody of her “hit” song Tik Tok. It’s pretty much spot on. The only thing I would do differently is tie the real Ke$ha to the railroad tracks somewhere. Oh, wait that has nothing to do with this video…. Just watch it already, yo!

If you don’t laugh then you have no soul (Epic Captions)

14 May

Do I even need to write anything? I didn’t think so.

Street Fighter sure isn’t what it used to be.

Looks like the “Bloods” just got a make-over.

What Mel gibson would love to do to Israel

Pics via The Big Caption

EnvySexyTeaz aka MissMAKAVELLI1985 aka The Worst Person ALIVE!

11 May

No, I am not posting sexy Megan Fox video’s (gotta get that SEO up) and seriously I have no idea who this girl is or how I even came across her atrocious Youtube page (or her actual website), but I did so I will now proceed to poke my eyes out, slam my head against the wall,  and jab my ears with pencils all with the hopes of getting these hideous images out of my mind.

This girl is obviously a real sign that the apocalypse is coming. It’s people like this that make me hate humanity. She’s overweight, yet thinks she’s a Victoria’s Secret model; her voice sounds like a horse getting kicked in balls, yet she obviously thinks she sounds like Alicia Keys; and her freestyle is so humorously atrocious that I want to hop through the computer screen and Terry Tate tackle her. And why the hell does she keep mentioning Tupac? He would be so pissed…  But seriously, I digress. Please take the time to watch all of these. They will change your life (not in a good way).

And ladies, I am not making fun of overweight people, ok? Just this one.

Oh, and if for some reason you wish to follow her broken English on Twitter, here is her account

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